Gail Rodgers Sharing the Journey

Feelings Part 05 - Feeling Vulnerable

She turned the TV off and headed to the bedroom. The news events of this past year continued to leave her feeling unsettled. Vulnerable…yes that was it! Vulnerable in a way she had never felt before. She shook the thought aside. She had enough to think about right now. Tomorrow she had an important business presentation to do. The day would be tight with clients and the kid’s schedules. Homework, bills, the list was endless. She checked the kids, laid out a few things and turned out the lights.

But again, sleep did not come easy. News images of the past year haunted her. The unstable markets made her stomach churn with worry over the bit they had managed to save for the kid’s future education. Should they even take that holiday over Christmas?

She tossed and turned and reprimanded herself. Foolish to worry. Yet this strange vulnerability seemed to have left her soul adrift on a sea of anxiety that was always just below the surface. Keeping busy helped, but the quiet moments at the end of the day brought questions with no answers.

She knew that others across the world were grappling with this same helpless feeling of vulnerability. Political, economic, religious issues surfaced across the globe daily leaving so many vulnerable in ways they had never imagined. She knew she was not alone.

She turned on the light and wondered into the living room. She looked over the bookshelf for something to busy her mind until sleep came. Her eyes fell on her Grandmother’s Bible.  It was old and nearly falling apart. Grandma had used it well. She picked it up and leafed through the fragile pages. Her eyes fell upon one verse after another underlined in red. She had always felt a little too educated for Grandmother’s simple faith, yet the words were comforting.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you” Psalm 55:12

“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield…” Psalm 91:4

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

Grandmother’s days had been uncertain too. Her life had not been easy. She had been a war bride and had experienced much loss. There had been stories of both joy and sadness. Oh the issues of the day would have been different. But these verses, outlined in red, showed that Grandmother had felt vulnerable too. Was Grandmother’s faith and Grandmother’s God still able to sustain and comfort and be an anchor for her soul too? An anchor for her soul. She desperately wanted that…desperately needed that.

She hadn’t prayed since she was a little girl and the words came haltingly, unfamiliar. “Oh God, I need an anchor for my soul. I feel anything but firm and secure. Please sustain me, keep me in the midst of uncertainty, be my refuge and help me to know your faithfulness in the way my Grandmother did. Anchor me Lord. I need you.”

She turned out the light. A peace settled over her unsettled soul and she determined to learn more of the God of her Grandmother, more of this Anchor for her soul. And she slept.

prayer & reflection

Lord God,
I realize that feeling vulnerable is actually a form of fear. In the name of Jesus I give you my fear and ask for Your peace to shelter me as I rest under Your wing. Anchor my soul and give wisdom to my mind and strength to my body.
Amen.